What I want may very well be impossible.
I want to work in a beautiful open space, a space free of cubicles, a space where creativity flows like water and energy fills the air. I want to work on projects that truly impact people, either through aesthetic appeal or direct cause/effect. I also want to make enough doing it so I don't have to find other work to compensate.
I want to keep learning, in an atmosphere that is supportive and encouraging. I want to teach (I want to be able to teach). I want to make beautiful things. I want to do so sitting in my comfortable chair at my flat desk in my cozy, warm office. I want to work in a place with colour, and style, and friendly people that want the same things I do.
Whoever can help me find all this will be my best friend forever.
Of course, all this is balanced by the fact I am really starting to doubt I have the chops to actually perform well in this environment. THis is what I would like to do, not necessarily what I could do.
In fact, I really am starting to feel at a crossroads, career-wise. I know that what I'm doing right now isn't what I want to be doing with the rest of my life; I'm happy with school, and really enjoy it for the most part - but have no idea where it's really going, past getting an MA to make me a better prospect when looking for work. But what work will I be looking for? Should I, as some have suggested, plunge into a PhD? The stress of writing this paper, dealing with trying to find a supervisor, and figuring out my thesis have all really got to me - I can't imagine the magnification of these doing a PhD imposes would do to me. Not to mention the fact that we just can't afford to support two PhD students. Because this is a terminal degree, I can seek out university/college work. But I don't perform well in front of large crowds (Kirsten calls me "mumbly joe". So what's left?
Hmm. It appears I may be having some sort of existential crisis here. And yes, I realize this is especially difficult to read. That's the point.
Dunno what to tell you, now that you're pursuing an interdisciplinary, applied, at least somewhat project-focused MA. That you should now move to another country where you have no recent work experience? :)
-- Posted by >> Pam » Thursday, April 7, 2005 12:15 AMI, on the other hand, wish to get massages from barely legal naked virgins while alternating watching re-runs of computer hacker movies on TV and playing, and WINNING, at UT2k4 and similar games. On a leather couch. Making the money that I need to buy toys, games, computers and camera gear with no effort on my part. Anyone who gets me this will be *my* best friend forever.
And don't forget the virgins.
-- Posted by >> Arcterex » Thursday, April 7, 2005 12:48 AMThe difference of course, is that mine is possible. Win at UT2k4? Dream on.
-- Posted by >> Darren » Thursday, April 7, 2005 06:22 AMDear Pal,
I feel ya. We all have aspirations. I really do believe you can get what you want though. It just takes lots of work and lots more work *smile*. What you want exists. You might just have to make your ideal work/life situation grow and happen yourself. That is what I am currently doing. The highs are high and the lows are low. I have fears about success, making a difference with the work I produce, and making enough money to survive. On the other hand, I am slowly getting the work that makes me feel whole as a person, I have a super environment, great support from friends/fam, and many exciting aspirations. I am starting to realize it never ends. Being a creative person means a journey that keeps plugging along forever.
I guess it just depends on how bad you want it. I recently had a chat with a friend and we disagreed on this subject. I said that if you have passion, a hard work ethic and good intentions, that success will come to you. He said that even if someone has all of that crap, sometimes it just does not work out. The cards play a different hand. Sometimes we fail. Should we call it failure though? Or a learning experience? Or part of the journey? I don't know.
-- Posted by >> amanda » Thursday, April 7, 2005 10:18 AM"...society is becoming an air-conditioned anthill. In every generation of human history, thoughtful men have turned on and dropped out of the tribal game and thus stimulated the larger society to lurch ahead. Every historical advance has resulted from the stern pressure of visionary men who have declared their independence from the game." ~ Timothy Leary
-- Posted by >> Anders » Monday, April 11, 2005 09:13 AMPost a comment
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