1. When the robots finally come to get me, I will go down swinging. With a big wrench. I haven't avoided them this long just to give up and submit to being fitted with an slave collar, and be sent to work in the oil-flavored potato chip factory.

2. One time I called the Vatican but I didn't account for the time difference. When you call the Vatican it answers with the sound of church bells, and then an Italian guy answers. I hadn't really accounted for the language barrier either. So I said "Hello, can I speak to the Pope please?" and the guy said something in Italian like "Rigatoni, pizza foccacia!" and I said "Pardon me?" and he said "Is four o'clock in the morning!". So I said "Oooooh. Right. So is the Pope awake?" and he answered "No, he is sleeping." "Well if I call back later can I talk to him?" and the guy said "Yes, yes. Call back at 11 o'clock in the morning." But of course, that was in the middle of the night for us, and while the Italians might like to wake up and use the phone, I do not. So I didn't call the Pope back.

3. He'll end up homeless, toothless, and turning tricks for big ladies in exchange for cigarettes.

4. Jones Vanilla Cola

5. Fat Charlie the Archangel is the small sumo mascot of ScreamingMidget. He is screaming because he is so small. He's named for a Paul Simon lyric, and his anger is based on the blues song I wrote called Can't Reach The Top Shelf Blues. It is a neverending song that I will ad lib verses to on demand, in exchange for beer.

Your questions, sir!

Fire away

Well... I will have to get to those a little later today, my brain is in a fog right now.

Ok, I'm done the answers they are Here